I'm going to admit that this blog is one of the hardest blogs I have ever made but the Lord said to testify of His wonderful works. So, here I am testifying about the goodness of God because he delivered me from depression, which is a mood disorder that affects the lives of so many today. For this reason, I believe that God is calling me to share my testimony so that it can be an encouragement for others to never give up and to turn to God because he is a merciful Father that cares for our well-being. Honestly, I never would have made it without him.
Looking back over my life, I have come to realize that deliverance just like healing is a process and that there is a time and place for that deliverance to happen. I have also realized that there is a season for everything we go through, which ecclesiastics 3 so greatly explains. We gain our life experiences through these different seasons of our lives but just like these seasons our experiences change; however, the impact that they leave can stay and it's only by the grace of God we can truly overcome and be set free from them. In my own life, I cannot pinpoint any one experiential cause but my depression developed over time through different periods of my life that triggered it, which made it episodic.
It started in my early teens but got worse as I grew older...
I was so good at hiding it behind a smile or my personality to the point where it became natural for me to keep everything inside and it got worse when I moved away for school. No one knew how much I suffered inside and no matter how much I tried I could not stay happy for long. I would always try to convince myself that I was okay but I was not okay and it took me a while to admit it. You know you're not okay when you often cried yourself to sleep or when you felt completely alone even when people were around or when you felt like you did not deserve love or could ever be satisfied... or when you just felt like giving up. I was in a dark pit and I could not find my way out, I felt like God had forgotten about me but little did I know God saw my suffering and had a plan...
" You have kept track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle" (Psalm 56:8).
One thing I have learned, as I continued to grow in my faith, is that just like joy comes from the Lord, depression/sadness comes from the devil and those emotions are received by whosoever accepts them. So, I had to make that conscious decision to not accept depression and choose joy each day, which was hard but important to do. My sister told me a strong revelation that the devil is depressed and he was the first one to be, which makes sense; everything God is the devil is not. Depression is a spirit and yes you read right, I called it a spirit that is from the enemy to kill, steal and destroy people's lives by bringing them down to that dark pit with him. However, it is comforting to know that it is not God's intention for us to be feeling the same emotion as the devil and that is why God wants us to come to him so that he can give us everlasting life and joy.
Jesus calls us out of darkness to walk in light with him and that is what he did for me but it was up to me to answer his call.
When I got back from Spain this year, I felt the pull on my heart to re-submit myself to God, as he was calling me to live a righteous life. I used the time I had in quarantine to re-focus myself; I deleted my Instagram, withdrew myself from a lot of people, and started intentionally seeking God. Four months later, I had an encounter where I felt the hand of Christ holding mine. He held my hand and I kept hearing this song my mom used to sing; "hand in hand we walk each day, hand in hand along the way, walk with God you shall not fail, hand in hand with Jesus." In this precious moment, I knew that Jesus was telling me he was with me and to take it one step at a time with him because as long as Jesus was with me I would not fail.
My life was completely turned around...
Remember I said that there is an appointed place and time for your deliverance? Moving back home to Niagara Falls, Canada was the place for mine. It also aligned me with the church that I needed to go to, which was my family's church Faith Factor Ministry, as it helped me transform my life and I'm telling you, finding the right church that you feel the presence of God and see the manifestation of God makes a difference! The prayer points and the teachings at that church helped me understand the word of God and how to apply it to my life in a practical way that would empower my Spirit and life as a Christian. As a result, God revealed his will for my life, taught me what love and joy looked like, and finally gave me a sense of peace in my heart. More importantly, Jesus helped me to love and feel satisfied within myself.
Jesus came not to judge the world but to save it (John 12:47)
God gives us the opportunity to start over and have a new life in Christ, Jesus; "therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come" (2 Corinthians 5:17). Despite what religion might tell you, Jesus does not care about our past sins and he does not condemn us because of them; instead, he cares about setting us free from them. Jesus Christ is there to forgive us of our sins and to redeem us unto himself. Knowing this, I was able to open up to my family about my depression and even have the courage to tell you about it today.
God promises us His PEACE... No matter what we go through, if we seek God and come into his presence we are assured rest and peace because God speaks hope and comfort over our circumstances and that's only IF we allow him. Peace is not a thing, it's a person and that person is JESUS! He cares so much about our lives and despite the lie of the enemy telling you that your life is worthless believe that God has a plan for your life! Jesus said he came so that we might have life more ABUNDANTLY (John 10:10). Christ is the answer to all of our problems, all we have to do is take His hand... will you?
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