The first question to ask is: Are you happy with yourself?
How often do you guys come across a movie, novel, social media or even real life where a person is intentionally single and is truly happy? Not often right... it all mostly portrays relationship goals. I'm sure you've all heard about intentional dating where you are not dating just to date but have a goal at the end of it, which is marriage. Well... its the same with being intentionally single except the end goal is to be the best version of yourself and to learn to love yourself, which is even more important to do before entering any relationship. Your season of singleness is so essential for your personal growth, attracting the RIGHT partner and entering a HEALTHY relationship and I wish that someone would of told me this before I even started dating! For this reason, I feel like it is my duty to share some insight on how to be happy in that IMPORTANT time of being single.
When making steps towards being happy by yourself you need to first:
1. Overcome Loneliness
A lot of us are afraid to be alone so we try to avoid it by dating. Loneliness will lead you to call up that ex you know your not supposed to see (just for the night) or it can keep you in a vicious cycle of an on again off again relationship. It can even get you into sticky situationships... For me, loneliness was the first thing that I struggled with before and after my previous relationship. I jumped right into it without considering the red flags and the emotional and physical cost it would have on me later. The difference between then and now (as I'm single now) is that I thought singleness meant loneliness and along with that I had some major insecurities. This way of thinking led me to be on and off with my ex to the point where I was SICK of it and needed something to change! How I finally overcame loneliness was by not isolating myself like I've done in the past. When I decided to break things off with my ex for good, I spent time in God's presence because I knew I could not break the toxic cycle alone. Not only did I spend time with God learning that I'm never alone, but I also spent quality time with friends and both has helped me tremendously. I kept myself busy with working, school, going out with friends and trying new things like living abroad! Also, I had to keep reminding myself that I was more at peace single than in an unhappy relationship.
2. Self-Evaluate
I had to become aware of habits and things about myself and re-evaluate what I wanted in life... I came face to face with some insecurities and started that long process of learning to love myself, which I go into full detail about in my other blog called Falling in love. Before, I felt like I had a void that needed to be filled by someone but every time I went back thinking that my ex could I ended up disappointed. There is a lot of misconceptions surrounding the idea that you need someone to "complete you." That idea like a lot of ideas in this world actually originated from the bible but it has been perverse. The bible talks about husband and wife becoming one flesh in the unity of marriage... and I don't disagree but what about before the marriage or relationship? I believe that everyone needs to become whole within themselves before getting into relationships. The only one who could help me really achieve this was God and this meant that I had to (and still am) establish a relationship with him first. So what I'm trying to say is that self-awareness and taking the right steps towards self-wholeness is an important part of your personal growth.
3. Distinguish your needs from your wants
When choosing a partner or anything in life a lot of us go for what we want and not what we really need and I, myself, have been guilty of that even now when thinking about what I'm looking for in a future relationship. Having a list of what your looking for in a partner can be a good and bad thing. It can be good in the sense that your distinguishing qualities and traits that you feel are essential, however, sometimes that list can be subjected to superficial wants... The bad thing about a list is that it can make you close minded and miss out on the partner that you never knew you needed because they did not match everything on your list. My prayer for myself in this season of singleness is that I have an open mind to the man that God has in store for me because I know that not every time we want what we need but when we do distinguish and choose what we need it can make such a surprising difference in our relationships...
And as with most things that you need it's GOOD for you! :)
Look out for part 2!
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